Op-Ed: The Lounge | A Column for Men: Detach, Disengage, Distance and Develop

We have talked extensively about responsibilities to others, showing up, supporting, mentoring, etc. I know that I have been emphatic, and sometimes brutally honest about where we are as men and where we need go. We have more opportunity than many of us realize to change our homes, neighborhoods, communities, and ultimately the world. We think it too far-fetched to look that broadly and at that scale, however it only takes the effort of ordinary people to bring about extraordinary change.

I believe most who frequent The Lounge or listen to my other messages, podcasts, and videos know that I am serious about not bailing on our roles or our obligations. Tighten up, grow up, and take care of things that you need to manage. There are far too many men out here “living their best lives” with total disregard for significant others, children, and peers. The example you are setting is being emulated by the next generation. We complain about those coming behind us while simultaneously being the reason their ethos exists.

But I digress. Today, we are discussing a part of self-love, healing, responsibility, accountability and self-obligation that is critical to our positive transformation. We have spoken about this previously in “Be Thankful for the Separation” (July 21, 2024). Not everyone in your life is meant for your future. Not everything you have now (career, material things, habits) can be taken with you. Sometimes separation will be forced upon you and you will have no ability to stop it. Some doors must close for others to open. My mother used to tell me all the time that “you can’t receive anything with closed hands.” Likewise, many of you have heard me say that you can’t be filled with what you need while your cup is full of junk.